Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
