I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
