But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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