My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
