I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
