plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
