yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
