can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
