I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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