I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
