I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
