At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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