I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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