So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize