I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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