he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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