This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
