So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
