I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
