Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
