The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
