now i know why i became what i already was.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
