That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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