Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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