If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
