Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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