I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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