yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
