Sponge bath it is.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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