i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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