You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
