She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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