yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
