i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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