Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you will always have a special place in my vag
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Randomize
