He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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