cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
