Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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