He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
