Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
