I CAN MOONWALK!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
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Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Rumble strips road head = magical
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you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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