So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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