i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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