So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
