cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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