Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just want to make out with him forever
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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