I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
