What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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