If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
