Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have tasted many bathrooms
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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