Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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