The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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