i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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