Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
my poor anus
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