If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
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hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
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