I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When did angry sex become our thing?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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