thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm always down for nudity.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
