Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
