I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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